Attraction may not be a choice, but love is. Love is a choice. Its a conscious choice that involves someone getting rid of the clutter in their own mind. As that IS what ends up happening too. Clutter over the other person's insecurities, or bad habits, or odd behaviours, or poor choices, or unattractive qualities, etc. It gets all up there and makes it harder and harder and harder to ever want to continue on loving. Why? Why bother? There's others out there who can meet what I feel is lacking, so why go on?
It may not be easy, it may be hard, but its a choice you make. You can open up with love or close down and in on yourself. I find that attachment to trivial things is what makes love hard and dissociation what makes love so easy. Why get attached to this world? Why? Everyone knows we don't have the infinite amount of time we'd all like to have and either our actions and choices gets rid of them or nature does. Its a cynical, gruesome way to put it and yet it speaks a lot of truth. That's why at the end of it all, we have the choice to love and its only as hard as you make it.
Quoting what Nasiha said in her previous email:"I am actually nervous about terms like "falling in/out love", and "true love" to be honest, because I think they are so loaded with emotion and false expectation romantic movie BS, and they are also felt so differently by different people --is so bang on." Well You might be surprise Nasiha but I totally agree with you, it is simply because he respects you for what you are, he accepts you for what you are, he doesnt try to change you to fit what he thinks to be an ideal girl, rather he change his principles to fit you inside, he treats you well, he loves you with his whole heart, he becomes your best friend, talks to you openly. It took me awhile to realize that the girls I had fallen for in the past --- girls who didn't want committment, who treated me just like a sex-machine,who used me --- were not true loves, no matter how much of a rush there was there. Those feelings of true love had the resemblance of movie portraits of romantic love. For me, it was completely unhealthy, and I'm still working on changing my perception of what real love is. I didn't feel quite that same rush with my previous gf, but I'm convinced it's because there was an ease and stability to us right from the beginning, a peacefulness I never had in other relationship. She didn't play games, didn't do whatever she felt she needed to to get me. She just wanted me, right from the start. For me, the rush tended to be there when the drama was there. I've had to learn that love doesn't need drama in order to thrive. Wherever there is a drama, there is something fishy around here, I got to learn it the hard way and it is engraved in my mind, heart and soul.
Sorry I'm rambling, I think I've gone off topic. I just wanted to put in my 2 cents concerning that and another aspect that people has a strong misconception is infatuation. I'm glad Michael brought up infatuation. Because many usually mix this up with true love. I don't like saying "I'm falling in love" because I view love as a clearheaded, rational thing. In love is truth, understanding, respect, etc. Love is not obsessiveness; love is not a lack of self respect, nor a lack of self altogether. One must truly love their own self, before they can truly love others. Not in a total selfish way, of course. Selfishness is a lack of regard for others, while concentrating solely on your own wants above others. Loving yourself is respecting yourself, caring about yourself, understanding yourself. If you do this, you're in a good place to then share yourself with others.
Falling is a mistake. Walking is done by choice. So, walk in to love someone, over time!
If you've just met the person, and think you've fallen in love with them, it's most likely infatuation, and not true love. I strongly believe real love is grown over time, like a tree. It needs to be watered, have the Sun shining on it daily. Over time, it'll grow to be mature, rooted and grounded firmly in the soil. True love doesn't come on a whiff like that, it always starts with infatuation and you need to keep working it to see that you really are connected to that person in such a way that she really fills up that emptiness inside you but be careful, do not get commit yourself right now, water it and let the sun shine on it till you are sure and certain in case it is just another drama.
So be careful friends as there are lots out there who give themselves fully but there are some who are just around here to play poker, and they will come to sweep you off your feet, and turn that ice-hearted of yours, but we shouldn't forget, every relationship that is started on lies and dramas aren't for a long time, it will end up sooner that you expect and you will end up being more hurt as you thought that was where you were moving on with life but instead you've just hit a wall again and you were used again! So Keep yourself focus and think with your head and not that pumping blood mass inside that we call heart as it will always make you end in trouble. Now don't tell me you want trouble to be your soulmate ya?!
It may not be easy, it may be hard, but its a choice you make. You can open up with love or close down and in on yourself. I find that attachment to trivial things is what makes love hard and dissociation what makes love so easy. Why get attached to this world? Why? Everyone knows we don't have the infinite amount of time we'd all like to have and either our actions and choices gets rid of them or nature does. Its a cynical, gruesome way to put it and yet it speaks a lot of truth. That's why at the end of it all, we have the choice to love and its only as hard as you make it.
Quoting what Nasiha said in her previous email:"I am actually nervous about terms like "falling in/out love", and "true love" to be honest, because I think they are so loaded with emotion and false expectation romantic movie BS, and they are also felt so differently by different people --is so bang on." Well You might be surprise Nasiha but I totally agree with you, it is simply because he respects you for what you are, he accepts you for what you are, he doesnt try to change you to fit what he thinks to be an ideal girl, rather he change his principles to fit you inside, he treats you well, he loves you with his whole heart, he becomes your best friend, talks to you openly. It took me awhile to realize that the girls I had fallen for in the past --- girls who didn't want committment, who treated me just like a sex-machine,who used me --- were not true loves, no matter how much of a rush there was there. Those feelings of true love had the resemblance of movie portraits of romantic love. For me, it was completely unhealthy, and I'm still working on changing my perception of what real love is. I didn't feel quite that same rush with my previous gf, but I'm convinced it's because there was an ease and stability to us right from the beginning, a peacefulness I never had in other relationship. She didn't play games, didn't do whatever she felt she needed to to get me. She just wanted me, right from the start. For me, the rush tended to be there when the drama was there. I've had to learn that love doesn't need drama in order to thrive. Wherever there is a drama, there is something fishy around here, I got to learn it the hard way and it is engraved in my mind, heart and soul.
Sorry I'm rambling, I think I've gone off topic. I just wanted to put in my 2 cents concerning that and another aspect that people has a strong misconception is infatuation. I'm glad Michael brought up infatuation. Because many usually mix this up with true love. I don't like saying "I'm falling in love" because I view love as a clearheaded, rational thing. In love is truth, understanding, respect, etc. Love is not obsessiveness; love is not a lack of self respect, nor a lack of self altogether. One must truly love their own self, before they can truly love others. Not in a total selfish way, of course. Selfishness is a lack of regard for others, while concentrating solely on your own wants above others. Loving yourself is respecting yourself, caring about yourself, understanding yourself. If you do this, you're in a good place to then share yourself with others.
Falling is a mistake. Walking is done by choice. So, walk in to love someone, over time!
If you've just met the person, and think you've fallen in love with them, it's most likely infatuation, and not true love. I strongly believe real love is grown over time, like a tree. It needs to be watered, have the Sun shining on it daily. Over time, it'll grow to be mature, rooted and grounded firmly in the soil. True love doesn't come on a whiff like that, it always starts with infatuation and you need to keep working it to see that you really are connected to that person in such a way that she really fills up that emptiness inside you but be careful, do not get commit yourself right now, water it and let the sun shine on it till you are sure and certain in case it is just another drama.
So be careful friends as there are lots out there who give themselves fully but there are some who are just around here to play poker, and they will come to sweep you off your feet, and turn that ice-hearted of yours, but we shouldn't forget, every relationship that is started on lies and dramas aren't for a long time, it will end up sooner that you expect and you will end up being more hurt as you thought that was where you were moving on with life but instead you've just hit a wall again and you were used again! So Keep yourself focus and think with your head and not that pumping blood mass inside that we call heart as it will always make you end in trouble. Now don't tell me you want trouble to be your soulmate ya?!
